From the East Bloc and Beyond

Glorious Comrade, We’re pleased to provide you with this report, as we crawled under barbed wire to rescue this merchandise in the first place and then transported it to our heavily guarded warehouse inside the cargo hold of a Russian Naval vessel (a.k.a., “fishing trawler”).

International packages shipped via USPS Air generally arrive within four to six business days depending on the destination. To ensure safe passage of your package during this journey, we have dispatched a crack team of Spetznaz commandos, armed to the teeth and trained to lay down their lives to protect your parcel.